I love Twitter jokes and lists and Twitter Joke Lists. Here’s my first compilation and here’s my second:
I asked her to dance. She thanked me and said she was flattered, but she declined. I had to ask her why. She said, This is a grocery store.
— Arjun Basu (@arjunbasu) March 24, 2013
Arjun’s little romantic/unromantic/silly/sad stories get me. Every. single. time.
Doughnuts are like bagels that you can eat.
— Bryan Donaldson (@TheNardvark) April 4, 2013
You can sit in a Taco Bell and make your burritos kiss for as long as you want. There’s no rule.
— Nathan Buckley (@duplicitron) April 4, 2013
I love this sort of humor, adulterating childlike activities.
Twenty monkeys using fifteen typewriters only needed a half hour to produce the collected works of Dan Brown.
— Uncle Dynamite(@UncleDynamite) March 30, 2013
I could fill an entire post with Uncle Dynamite. He’s quite a treasure.
I’m here to kick ass and chew bubblegum and I thank you for your patience because I brought a lot of gum. I’ll be over there if you need me.
— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) March 26, 2013
This joke regresses nicely into meekness.
Decent prank: earn a college diploma
— jon(@senderblock23) March 30, 2013
Underplayed to perfection.
“After a while… Eric.” -last line of my alligator/crocodile buddy cop screenplay
— Miah St. Cyr (@MiahSaint) March 24, 2013
First run thru this isn’t that funny, then it’s funny, then it is touching, then I’ve spent a lot of time appreciating something silly.
Well I like dead Pan humor but Wendy won’t stop crying and the lost boys are throwing plates at me
— sweaty five dollars (@iscoff) April 3, 2013
Man, I cannot pick out my favorite part of this tweet…
Movie Idea: A man forced to choose between his two passions: tap dancing and cat burglaring.
— Matt Roller (@rolldiggity) March 25, 2013
Beware, this tweet takes on a life of its own in your head. I’m in the latter half of the third act myself.
Taste the Rimbaud
— Elisa Gabbert (@egabbert) March 29, 2013
I’m glad somebody does something with all those jingles I have in my head.
sorry, but if you want to speak human mouthwords to me you will need to submit a written application at least seven business days in advance
— Keply Pentland (@MmeSurly) April 2, 2013
K. Pentland doesn’t do jokes, she’s just marvelously herself.
Sitting here staring into my purse wishing that someone had accidentally dropped a taco in there earlier.
— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) March 26, 2013
I may have a thing with tacos…