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William Shake-speare : Sonnet 130

Dim Lady

My honeybunch’s peepers are nothing like neon. Today’s special at Red Lobster is redder than her kisser. If Liquid paper is white, her racks are institutional beige. If her mop were Slinkys, dishwater Slinkys would grow on her noggin. I have seen tablecloths in Shakey’s Pizza Parlors, red and white, but no such picnic colors do I see in her mug. And in some minty-fresh mouthwashes there is more sweetness than in the garlic breeze my main squeeze wheezes. I love to hear her rap, yet I’m aware that Muzak has a hipper beat. I don’t know any Marilyn Monroes. My ball and chain is plain from head to toe. And yet, by gosh, my scrumptious Twinkie has as much sex appeal for me as any lanky model or platinum movie idol who’s hyped beyond belief.

–Harryette Mullen

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  • Not to brag, but one time I lost very respectably to a chess grandmaster and didn't make fun of how nerdy he was for many seconds. 11 hours ago
  • When will Science tell me that white bread is healthy than that gross grainy stuff? I really want to look down on you people. 12 hours ago
  • Ugh. I hate how sexist Harassment is. For the sake of equality I demand that the word when applied to men becomes Hisassment. 1 day ago
  • MY WIFE READS MY TWEETS FOR BIOGRAPHICAL MISTAKES AND IT FEELS LIKE SHE'S FLIRTING IS SHE FLIRTING I THINK SHE'S FLIRTING OH MY HEART IS BEA 2 days ago
  • The wife just informed me that the 4yr old is actually the 3yr old and that clearly I have no idea how time works. 2 days ago

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