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  • As I sat on the toilet I was attacked by a wasp. It was scary, but killing him really sped things up. 11 hours ago
  • Not to brag, but one time I lost very respectably to a chess grandmaster and didn't make fun of how nerdy he was for many seconds. 2 days ago
  • When will Science tell me that white bread is healthy than that gross grainy stuff? I really want to look down on you people. 2 days ago
  • Ugh. I hate how sexist Harassment is. For the sake of equality I demand that the word when applied to men becomes Hisassment. 3 days ago
  • MY WIFE READS MY TWEETS FOR BIOGRAPHICAL MISTAKES AND IT FEELS LIKE SHE'S FLIRTING IS SHE FLIRTING I THINK SHE'S FLIRTING OH MY HEART IS BEA 4 days ago

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