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The other day a friend of mine said, “On Tuesday I gotta go slaughter a couple of bulls.”

I looked at him and said, “Wow. That’s exactly how I refer to voting.”

“No really, I have to get them butchered.”

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  • Not to brag, but one time I lost very respectably to a chess grandmaster and didn't make fun of how nerdy he was for many seconds. 1 day ago
  • When will Science tell me that white bread is healthy than that gross grainy stuff? I really want to look down on you people. 1 day ago
  • Ugh. I hate how sexist Harassment is. For the sake of equality I demand that the word when applied to men becomes Hisassment. 2 days ago
  • MY WIFE READS MY TWEETS FOR BIOGRAPHICAL MISTAKES AND IT FEELS LIKE SHE'S FLIRTING IS SHE FLIRTING I THINK SHE'S FLIRTING OH MY HEART IS BEA 3 days ago
  • The wife just informed me that the 4yr old is actually the 3yr old and that clearly I have no idea how time works. 3 days ago

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